I cant help being careless when I am feeling very sleepy at work.
And there I goes again!
x(

I just wanna be sure that I wont do that AGAIN!
Am really ZzzZ towards the end of the day.

Just had my dinner and I really cant help my fingers(& mouth) on the durians.
It had been so damn long since my last durian!
Yum~
Worry for the bloated stomach later.

My poly good friend is preparing for her engagement at the end of this year.(and most probably wedding next year)

Damn...I am so happy for her!
But envious too.

Not that I would thought of doing the same thing at this age,(She is just a year senior of me)
but it is still like a big step achieved much ahead of time.

Oh well..

As expected...Today is no longer the same.
And really somehow,for some reasons I do not know why,it wont be the same anymore.

I just wonder...What did I do?

I reached out to feel the 'wound' inside,sometimes intentionally and not.
It is still midly throbbing.
The scab is long formed.
Just that it still hurts.

How long would it take?
But again,even if it's ok..it will leave a scar.
And really in the first place,I dont want it to peter out.

Now..I am just trying my best not to touch that wound again.
And hopefully the scab would not peel off.

This Thursday...
I know today is not gonna be the same.
Not like those previous.
And God knows that I am right.
I am,right?

Don't run away from me.
You know...I cant take that.
I cant stand people that I really care for,choose to leave me behind.
I may be strong.
I may seem strong.
I may not cry.
Just that you didnt see them.
And you shall not.
Dont misunderstood my intentions.
Dont judge my concerns.
If there is anything you dont like,tell me.
Dont..leave me without telling.
It is not fair.

Sure we dont belong together.
But dont run away from me.
I am just trying to care.
As a friend.As a mate.
Dont judge and worse,misjudge.

Maybe I intrude too much.
I apologise.
Maybe I did it the wrong manner.
Maybe I am wrong.
But dont leave me or brush me aside...
Not without warning at least.

I cant stand to see myself falling inside.
I cant.
I have alot more to bear and I wont watch myself fall.
So please..
If Ive hurt you and you must hurt me back.
Lemme know.

Dont..leave..me..without telling.
I cant stand the sudden coldness.

I am sleepy..
Zzz..

I remembered Tuesday morning,I was woken by this song.
(yes,I have got a RADIO clock~^^)

Summer has come and past.
The innocent can never last.
Wake me up when September ends.

Like my fathers come to pass,
Seven years has gone so fast.
Wake me up when September end

Here comes the rain again,
Falling from the stars.
Drenched in my pain again,
Becoming who we are.
As my memory rests
But never forgets what I lost.
Wake me up when September ends

Summer has come and past.
The innocent can never last.
Wake me up when September ends.

Ring out the bells again.
Like we did when spring began.
Wake me up when September ends.

Here comes the rain again,
Falling from the stars.
Drenched in my pain again,
Becoming who we are.
As my memory rest,
But never forgets what I lost.
Wake me up when September ends.

Summer has come and past.
The innocent can never last.
Wake me up when September ends.


Like my fathers come to pass.
Twenty years has gone so fast.
Wake me up when September ends
Wake me up when September ends
Wake me up when September ends

-Green Day-
_Wake me up when September ends-

Today is what I supposed to be my mum's bday.
Braved thru' the cold rain,talked to the health conscious auntie in the shop,paid for the cake,got freebies^^,walked one big round to take the cab.
I knew that it would be a big jam.
I knew I would reach home faster if I just take the train.
But I wanna protect the cake from the rain.
So I sacrified my money.(for the cab and the cake.)
I am selfless~

Despite feeling all cold and sick (and very poor) by the time I reached home,I put on my 2 mega watt smile and greeted my mum "happy bday"

Reaction:" Huh?What birthday?"

o_O!

The rest is history.

I made a joke outta myself.

No celebrations.
Not that there will be one anyway.
Usually we just wait for everyone,sing song,cut cake.
No more.

Spiltting headaches now.
The rain and the virus infected office made my immune system down.

Oh yea,if you need good cakes/pastries,gimme a ring.
I know where to get the best and really excellent service!(and freebies^^)

Ok..So much for all the daily rants.

Let's get down to business.

Sometimes telepathy of 2 individuals surprised me.
It could be complete strangers to people related by blood.

Last night was a good one.

"Best In Me"

It seems so long since I last felt that.
I wanted to cry.
But for that few good minutes,I was very happy.
Till I heard some conversations in the living room that bring me back to where I know I should be.

*Gritted on*


Sometimes...I really wish I can go back.

I know you wish to go back too.

To a certain point of your life and start all over again.
So you wouldnt do the things you regret.
So you would make it right this time.

It makes songs like 'Live Twice' all so right.

Or you just wish to go back and relive everything again.

And then...It is the same pinch that we all felt at the corner of our hearts.

(Interruption!
I was just told that today is Youth's Day.
No wonder my bro wore casual to school.
-_-!
I feel so damn old!
I just interviewed a gal whose a day older than me today.And damn..since graduation,she only helped in her relative's shop.No previous working experience other than her attachment.
But she fits my bill!Hope she gets the job!)



I think sometimes or most of the times, we tend to concentrate on our negative emotions.
Such as pain,sadness and all.
We paid more attention to such feelings than the times when we are happy.
And the bad thing is....We cant help it.

(Why do you think there are a thousand and two (I made up that figure.) motivational books --'How to be Happy etc' in the market.)


Sigh.

No wonder our life expectancy just keep dropping.
According to the good o bible,you are still very young at 80 years old.
Those times....*shrugs*

But those were too the times that humans are more connected to God,I believe.

Too many disturbances in the modern world and we cant help it.

But...but..

Sometimes when you do a comparison of your pain,you just realised it is not so bad.
The degree of what you are feeling now is perhaps just a hundredth of the father who lost his young son to the ...canal?
Sigh.

It is really the way of looking at things.

And if you smile,when you smile...you know it is not that bad.

Things come and go.
Things move up and down.

What's behind may not be good.
But what is good with nothing bad?

I said this before,where is heaven without stepping to hell?
(I am referring to my miserable 3 mths at the Hotel.)
(oh that is too why I find Bert pretty harmless,despite he is so... pricking sometimes.)

What I am trying to say is that...

What's left behind may not be good,or dare I say a pile of mess.
Often we cant decide about the future.
We can only make plans.
But today is something we can make up for.

I am not dropping any subtle hints to anyone.
Even if you think I am,I am just trying to show my support.


Though I am not in much position myself.

But We are all in the same line.

Nah..I think this whole entry is crap!
My head doesnt help.

Jia You ok?

Today...

I am somewhat tired.
It's "tired" = " yawn yawn"
=/

Yawns*

I need bed.

ZzZz.

Anyone..pop me some tricks or whatever u have got.
Keep me awake.

It's still a long way to go.

It's hard to remember my mum's bday coz she goes by the lunar calender.
If I am not wrong,it is tomorrow.
I guess she would think that we forgot.
I wanted to buy something but I have not much time to shop for it and really I have no idea what she will like.
I guess the last Mother's Day one did fine.
But I am not capable to afford something of that price this month.

So I ordered a cake which my colleagues told me was good.
It looks good too.
Usually such kinda looks traditional and old cakery shops do bake good cakes.
(Though I am not a big cake fan.I restrained from being one.)

Adorable.
My student called me to ask me a simple maths question.

I enjoyed being a teacher.
I..think so.
But it is not enough.

I am not trained in that specialization and now is not the time for me to drill myself in that area of studies.
Now is the time that I should really tighten my laces and gallop on.

Sales in the line that if I can and want to, to venture fast and earn back.
I know time is running out.
It's no longer a choice.
My parents dont have to tell me anything.I know my standing and how the situation is.

No more tears.
No one will wipe them off.
No one can.

It's time to learn the art.

Now what did I say about no more personal affairs?
Ha.

I met this uncle who sells insurance on the lift.
I guess it is about time.
Shame to admit,I am one with no policy registered under my name.
Should anything happened to me,I am more than a goner.

A goner with no money to claim.

Of coz we dont usually look fwd to claim such money.
Well..as stated,it is insurance.

So a few things in mind to be done within this year.

1)Insurance.
2)French class.
3)Gym?(Mingli~~~~~~~~)
4)Cybershot.
5)Ipod mini ranked behind Cybershot.
(Actually #4 & #5 aren't that impt to me.Material possessions doesnt makes me happy these days.Not sufficient to fill the hole.)
6)To drown the crying M{ch.Yes...I dont need her to keep reminding me.
I wont lost my touch of empathy.I wont lost who I am to you.I just dont need that weak soul inside me to keep reminding me of the pain that I have to pull thru every night.

Well..so far that's all.

Today is the 28th.
(Oh..the kiddo called again.)

It is only Tuesday and I keep thinking that it is Wednesday.

Ok...Let's talk about something happier?

I guess this may takes me a whole night to think.

If I were to sing a song for myself these days..It may be...

I'm standing on a bridge
I'm waiting in the dark
I thought that you'd be here by now
There's nothing but the rain
No footsteps on the ground
I'm listening but there's no sound

Isn't anyone tryin to find me?
Won't somebody come take me home
It's a damn cold night
Trying to figure out this life
Wont you take me by the hand
Take me somewhere new
I don't know who you are
But I... I'm with you
I'm with you

I'm looking for a place
Searching for a faceIs anybody here I know
'Cause nothing's going right
And everythings a mess
And no one likes to be alone

Isn't anyone trying to find me?
Won't somebody come take me home
It's a damn cold night
Trying to figure out this life
Wont you take me by the handtake me somewhere new
I don't know who you are
But I... I'm with you
I'm with you


Oh why is everything so confusing
Maybe I'm just out of my mind
Yea yea yeaI

t's a damn cold night
Trying to figure out this life
Won't you take me by the hand take me somewhere new
I don't know who you are
But I... I'm with you
I'm with you

Take me by the hand
Take me somewhere new
I don't know who you are
But I... I'm with you
I'm with you

Take me by the hand
Take me somewhere newI don't know who you are
But I... I'm with you
I'm with you
I'm with you...

-I'm with you--Avril Lavinge

And I know it is not so bad...

I am just a proud old soul inside.

Yearn for protection and yet brush all intimate contact.

I am 'fraid of the final exposion.
Dun bare me naked to the world.

And I know it is not so bad.

The worst never befalls on me.
Thank God.

I am glad.

That the sun is still shining today.

Even night will still come and shadows will still be cast on.

I rely on the comfort of something familiar to blanket me.

And I know it is not that bad.

When I still have people who care.

Even if no one cares,I still want those to know that I care.

And it is really not that bad.

Sometimes I think I should learn to keep my mouth shut or my fingers tied.

It seems that I have been 'complaining' too much for people's understanding.
It is almost that I am trying to seek some attention and/or some pity.
I scorned!

All bruised!

The truth is...

Well...Put it like this.

I never look at myself in any light of pitiness.
I never want any people to look at me in that manner.
If it doesnt help things,I may just be a sick attention seeker in ur opinion.

This place.This blog. Is only my avenue of escapism.
Often I am trapped by the outside,I need somewhere to 'cry' on so I wont bring my sadness with the break of dawn.

My fear of too many people reading all these craps is because I am afraid to be deem vulnerable to the eyes of them.
And then result in the things I dun wanna invite,as mentioned above.

I dun like to make open my internal fear and struggle,my family and all.
Not that I dun like to share and think any one of my friends couldnt be trust to listen.
It is just that...I dun feel and know how to relate to you.
And again,it doesnt affect you.

What you are reading is just an internal personal struggle which you may or may not relate to in a way or another.
Everyone is different.
Like I've said,everyone has their own battle to fight,own field to run in.

Sometimes I dont need support or kind words or even advises.
All I seek for is an understanding.

It is not much of a plight.

I will breathe every minute that I can and still appreciate the fact that I am.

This morning I woke up feeling ready.
I sealed that kinda raw pain behind.

But I guess some days are bad.
It is not much of a smooth day at work today.

Infact almost every day at work,I can feel my stomach tightening.
I can hardly enjoy my lunch.
Most of the time I am too tired to too.

Perhaps the seal wasnt strong enough to ward off today.
I wasnt thinking of all that I thought but still it is paining somewhere.

I've been thinking,as I took short breathes in the toilet.
Looking at the mirror,I saw me sobbing away.
I frowned with disgust and disapproval and walked off.

If someone,at least some voice can tell me that he/she understands,I may feel better.

See...

Lemme tell u one last tale about me that shaped me to who I am today.

I am very fortunate to have a roof over my head,my brothers,and of coz my parents who are still together though they are never the most loving couple on earth.

The loneliness fell in love with me since young.
I often looked at kids at wondered why their parents have so much time to play with them.
I grew up envying my friends whose parents have time to do thethings that I never even experienced before.

But I am thankful.
That till now I have a healthy body and my familys' too.

I know my parents dote on my younger one thus allowing him many of the privileges that I never knew.
The reason I was told one day hurted me.
My mum told me that she never had much time for my bro since he were young.
Jealousy made me think what about me?

But I am thankful.
That I snapped outta that and is ready to lead.

I remembered the nights that I cried.
I am always crying in my room.All dark and alone.
I never let anyone see my tears.
Tears of my fears.
I will not.

But I am thankful.
That at least I can still cry.
The day without tears would have meant that I dont care anyone.

Dun ask me to shake off that responsibilty that I have to bear.
It may seem insignificant to you and you dont understand why I make such a big deal outta it.

I am living my 20th year and then close to another one more.

I am trying my best to take what I can,and then more.

But please dont ask me to relax.

I cant.
You dont understand.

My parents cant be slogging all their lives,as if they havent done enough.
A few years more than half a century is how old my parents are.
My brother is still 16.
So young.So ignorant yet.
I dun have to repeat again and again about my elder brother.
I dun like putting him to shame and I dont think he quite deserved the words of others.
Much as I dun look up to him,but that is much as I would love him too.

If I can bear,which I CANT to see my parents working and worrying for this family for a few more good years.

I finished my education as far as I am concerned.
Any further would be causing more harm than necessarily now.
It's closing a year since I graduated.

If there is any mistakes,fun that I would want.
This is enough.

How do you expect me to be worry and burden free when I am me!

I dun blame the world for it.
I am very glad that I have the chance to.

The worse would be you never have the chance to.
The wrong would be you never know that you should take the chance to.

Sigh..

Look at the night skies.
Maybe you can see a twinkle or two.
Maybe you can feel the gentle breeze singing to you.

But I am too scare of the night sometimes.

Yes..It is beautiful and peaceful.

But somehow at times like these,it is the night hours that brought all the pain and things you are hiding back to surface.

And you know what is more painful for me?

It can be the fact that I am forever seeing myself crying and yet cant wipe my own tears and fears.

But I guess it is more of the fact that you are reading this but you never know it.(and gimme something that I dun need.)
(And you dun assumed that you really think who is the "you" that I am talking about.You are wrong,I am telling you that you are wrong.)

Maybe it is my fault for zipping up.

I know I am in conflict of myself.
Its like I want you to know and yet I dun want you to touch me.

Why am I scared?

Think Eowyn.

If you paid attention to that role that's not too special,I hope you think of me too.

Tomorrow will still come.

Tomorrow I still have to fight.

Sometimes perceptions and mentality can be a choice.

But you know..the fate decreed is not.

This is the one last time,I promised.

If I ever need to write about my personal world,I will not post again.

Dun mistood me.

I dun want you to judge me.
Like I never judge you.


This is the last time.

The last time,I let you know that I am crying myself to sleep.

I guess this is only part of why I would cry.
The rest I leave it to the air and let it vapourise.

You who read will read no more of such.

I guess I know the other main reason that pierces but it doesnt concerns you.And you wont care,really.

I am not pemmist.
I wont let myself to be.
At least I care give up the life that I have to fight.

Dream a little dream of....I know it's not me,but well..=)


Good night,my faint dreamer.

If some days are better than the others...

Today is definitely one of those days that make the some of the days better.
Looked in the mirror and saw the damaged side.
Turned away in disgust.
And eating Subway didnt help.

Cant believe that I actually said 'cabbage' instead of 'lettuce'!
Almost reach out to slap my mouth.
I dont think the crew noticed, or he just didnt bother to correct in a warm jokingly manner.

Doesnt matter.

The day is just stormingly black.

Nothis too good today and damn that I am repeating!

It was weird.
It was bad.
It was scary.


As I was surfing through some blogs just now,I suddenly lost my breathe.
I dunno how to explain.

Outta the blue,just suddenly I lost the breathe.
It almost feel like there is a small hole in my lungs and air is leaking out.
It lasted for a few good seconds.

I coughed to catch my breathe.

No I didnt choke on water or my own saliva.
And the air ventilation is good in my room.
I am really doing nothing but clicking away.

It daunted onto me.

'You' cant take me away yet and 'you' shouldnt.

Not me.
I have not finish my race.
At least I have not solved my parent's woes.

Dont.

I know this sounds silly to you who may read this.

But there is always unexplained uncertainty in life right?
I have seen.

This is not right!

Sometimes....I am afraid that my dad pours his words onto me.
But that is too the only way that I can half take away the grief inside him.

Sometimes...This makes me wanna cry.
I wish to run away and cry.

I think I know why there is always this crying girl I see inside me.
Because time,circumstances,world and the people she love had to make her go on.

If she falls to defeat to herself,how can she help others?

I have an elder brother whom had hope lost with him.
Instead of glory and support,he brought pain,anguish and time to time disappointment to this home.
I have a younger brother whom my parents believe firmly that he will not follow the first one.
He is still young.Still ignorant of the responsibilities which I hope he will acknowledge one day.
Yet he,somehow is often in oppose with my father.
Maybe it's what they say in Chinese, 8 characters crash.
?
I dunno. But in him,I hope to nuture and as much as I dont much interfere in his life,I hope he will know his placings in life.

There they(my parents) had me in the middle.
As far as I am concern,I have not depend my own financial on them for a long time.
I hope one day I would have enough to contribute too.

I always never say much.
I dont.
I let them to see me as happy as I can.
Or at least not another source of worry.

That is why...I am very scare that I wont be able to live up to it.
You can tell me that such expectation is not place on me from them.
I know you are right about this.
Coz I had it on myself since I know the world.

Can you blame me then?
It can be a choice but I made it a no choice for me.

If I dont carry it,you tell me..who will?
If I dont do it,would my younger one be able to see it one day and hopefully share this load too?
If I dont take the flag from my elder brother and lead,who can?

For a very long time,I have stop behaving like a little gal.
I am always more mature than people of my own age.(I was told.)

I guess I suddenly understand when I was first with Jason,I was very bad to him sometimes.
Coz I have someone to rely on,someone to whine to.
As if that was what I have been wanting to do for long.

Was it one or two years already?
I have seen myself grow and change so much.

I still cant be the little gal like I want to and already forgot that I want to.

I have throw away such desire and put on my battlesuit.

I know it is not so bad afterall.

Sooner or later you have to learn and recognize your placing in your own story.
And in one life,you just keep learning and discovering.
Hopefully you become tougher and stronger than before each time.

I know that there are people that I can lean on support.
In this life,I am not a solo island.
So are you.
Noone is and no one shall be.

But we have our own battle to fight,our own field to shed blood on.
Each support,be it a friend,a faith,a religion,a pet or whatever is just a camp for you to rejuvenate and sharpen your weapons.

You know what I mean.

You who read this has read about who I am inside.

The reason that I have not disclosed this blog to everyone coz I do not intend everyone to come and know me inside.

I dun need the world to see who I am.

Like I have said,it is not that I am then wearing a mask to face the world.
I did not.
Not a mask.
It's a battle suit that I wore.

I know you know me already.


Just do me a favour,ok?=)

Dont expose me to the people that don't know.

It is just a personal internal struggle that we all have to deal with inside.

And I am just blogging to vent it away.
It makes me feel better.

Of coz I didnt forget that I wanna blah on this topic.
Now we all know about SNAG to Metrosexual.

John thought I was being cruel if I want a homo to be meterosexual too.
Ha.
=)?

To me,a homosexual plainly just means that he/shehas likings for people ogf the same gender only.
It doesnt reflect on their sense of dressings and behaviours.
This guy can dress and behave perfectly just in the codes of guy but he likes guys.

We all know a metrosexual is someone whose in touch with the fashion,make up,skin care etc.Almost or even better than a girl.

So a homo who is metrosexual wld be good.
I've seen some along the way.
And if Steven lim is homo,he would fits the bills just nice.

Anyway now there is another breed that puts metrosexuals to shame.
If you read June 25 TODAY,you would know what I am talking about.

I quoted:

"First, there was the sensitive new age guy who wuld notice your new earrings, share cooking tips with you and lend you his shoulder to cry on.
Then came along the metrosexual who would have you notice his new earrings,share skincare tips with you and lend you his Giorgio Armani hanky to cry into.

Now according to a recent Australian news reprt, the metrosexual has a new breed of well dressed, fashion-savvu, sensitive and "ultra-feminine" men to contend with.

Learn these terms -Hybrid men,mirls and hermephrodudes."

Hybrid men?Sounds like some mutants from X men.(and they belong to the evil side)

Hermephrodudes?Too long!Almost seem like a medical term.
You dun wanna call youself a hermephrodude and had people go "Huh?Her what dude?"

Mirls!Just nice.
I wondered if it is a abbreviation of a word but it just sounds good.

Again I quoted:

"The major difference b/w metrosexual and the mirl is the latter's ultra-feminity.
It makes you ponder "is he or is he not straight?"
Why,mirls wont even baulk at wearing pink shawls but that's about as pink as they will get.

Mirls sill like and woo the opposite sex.

The metrosexual may splurge on an understated platinmum ring,the Mirl prefers things a little more RuPual-esque and would go for a diamond spolitaire pinkie ring instead.(WOW!!Diamond Solitaire Pinkie Ring?Get outta town!That is so...RICH ASS!)

Metrosexuals buy men's skincare products faithfully but Mirls may also snap up men's make-up"

So we LADIES are gonna be looking so bad infront of this group of Mirls.

Honestly speaking,what would you think of Mirls?
If the Mirls are Homos,maybe I wouldnt give a damn and really want them to be my friends.
A woman trapped in a man's body.

If I have some guy friends who are Mirl or Metrosexual but is straight,well..I guess I can still live with it.

But if I have a Mirl wooing me or is my boyfriend,I dunno if I can deal with it.

WHO WANTS a guy who steals your make up,trying your shawl,sprayed your perfume on himself,buy diamond rings for HIMSELF and then make you look so bad becoz he is so much better dressed up as a guy?
Who knows he may even look prettier than you?

Yea?

I would very much prefer my regular sensitive new age guy.
I leave my metrosexual to the homos.
But metro is not so bad.At least I appreciate a guy who looks after his skin(not like Eddie.HA! John cringed!),smells good and dress fine.^^

Mirl?
If this is gonna be the latest trend that guys are treading on,I have no objections or protestes when all the girls turn lesbians.
Coz even the lesbians are so much 'manly'.

Ha.
Dont upset the balance lah huh?

God must be sad too.
Imagine him sitting up in his throne looking down at the earth he had created and sigh?

-_-

I usually wake late on my Sundays.
Today I left my bed at 1pm.

I usually wake up alone on my Sundays.
I washed up,had my breakfast (Whatever that I can find) as lunch,stayed at the pc.
Do the chores.Wash Stinky and Stinko.
Maybe later I will whoop by NTUC again.
I guess that is the only thing that will make me feel happier on Sunday.
It is almost that I owned this whole house and always live like this.
Well...Sometimes it is not too bad a feeling.
I mean,this is practically me.

I miss my friends.
But when we all got into working,we just see each other every other time.
Sometimes schedules are conflicting.
But I always miss them.
Memories are too fond.

My old cassette is playing Jackey Cheung (direct translation.) "She came to my concert to listen"
Those were the days when I listened to Chinese songs,when chinese songs are still listenable.Till they turned craps now.
A very sweet and maybe reminiscing song.

Back to this Sunday.
I feel like losting myself in books.
Although I dun read alot(as you can already tell from reading my blog) and sometimes submerging too much in books made me a lil sick.
But I cant explain the comfort of hiding in the library of books.
It is almost like a place which everyone goes to their hiding.
Of coz I need good music too.

I dun like cereal with milk.It tasted funny to me now.
My bro replaced my cereal with another and (reduced sugar)Sobe with HL.
I think I am much used to cereal with soy.It tasted much better.

I quoted this from Jen's msg in Bulletin from Friendster.

Accept that some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the statue.

Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them.

Always read stuff that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.

It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.

Never buy a car you can't push.

Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.

When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

Birthdays are good for you. The more you have,the longer you live.

You may be only one person in the world, but you may also be the world to one person.(and in this case,I think is you can be a world to many persons too.)

A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour.

=)

I wish you would gimme a msg if you are thinking of me.
I dun need thinking of me as in a romantically thought.
I dun referred to only Jason.
Anyone will do.

Just received msg from Eve.
I miss you,baby.

Jason is gonna have a game at P.Academy with his friends.
I hope he enjoy it like how he really loves soccer.
Sometimes you have beeen in it for too long and you lost that very first feeling or reason why you fell in love with it.
Soccer has been part of you since you were very young,so I hope you wont lost that.
A person who lost his love to time(I am talking to any love) will too lost his direction and placing in life.
=)

Sunday..no matter if you are lazing at home like me,working,crying alone,or laughing out loud.
It is Sunday.
God's created seventh rest day.

Live it.

It is my 3rd post now.

What is it?
Do I think I dunno or I really dont have a clue?

I think now I really dont have a clue.

Maybe it is the old songs that are playing on my cassette now.
All the ballads,Jap and Chinese ones.(which I used to listen.)

Or maybe it is the night.

I am a lil sleepy now but I dun want to sleep my weekend away.

Why?
Why's the feeling?

Everything is so good now.

I think I feel too much for my own sake.
It is already something not good.

Yet you cant help me coz I cant help it myself.

The world thinks I am strong and cool.
I will not let myself falls behind times for too long.

Yet...
Already...And still...A crying M[ch in her dark corner.

I thought someone had already save her?

How come she is still there?
Or I let her to be stranded in that corner still?

This is not schizoprehnia.
It is different.

I declared myself still completely sane.

Why...didn't you look at me inside?

The world didnt see this.
My family dont.
My friends dont.

Not becoz I am being untrue to them nor myself.
That is still me.

But layers and layers...
beneath

There is a ME that YOU(anyone of u) can associate.

I always thought and would still believe that 'the one' for you would seal that hole for u.
We are just waiting.

I am..still.

I finally found this song.
The first Jap drama I watched and this song caught my heart.
Who am I singing to?
Who do I wanna sing to?
Someone who doesnt know.
=)
Dont think too much.
It is just a song,a drama that makes summer love sweet.


Every time I must say goodbye to you
I feel so down and sigh
Every night all I do is think of you
You stole my heart away

Didn't know how true love meant to me
Until now
Didn't know why lovers cry
Couldn't wait to see your smiling face anymore

Every time you must face the restless world
Do you remember me
And whenever you need a gentle word
Why don't you call me up

I'm the one for you when things get rough times are hard
Don't you know just what I mean
Couldn't wait to hear your endless dreams
Come to me

Sing a love song for me
Sing for me a serenade
Make happiness happen
Sing a love song for me
Sing for me a serenade
And leave loneliness along

Every time I will say good luck to you
I hope you'll hold me tight
Every night all I do is see you through
You set my heart on fire

Didn't know how true love works on me
Until now
Didn't know how high we fly
Couldn't wait to see your smiling face anymore

Sing a love song for me
Sing for me a serenade
Make happiness happen
Sing a love song for me
Sing for me a serenade
And leave loneliness along



by Yamaguchi Yuko
From the TV Drama Beach Boys

There is no reason why I would start my blog with this song.
But this painful song just hit me at Carrefour and yea.
Even if it is outta place for my post later,here it is.

There's a lot of things I understand
And there's a lot of things thatI don't want to know
But you're the only face I recognize
It's so damn sweet of you to look me in the eyes

It's alright, I'm OK
I think God can explain
I believe I'm the same
I get caried away

It's alright, I'm OK
I think God can explain
I'm relieved
I'm relaxed
I'll get over it yet

The sent of vasoline in the summertime
The feel of an icecube
Melting overtime
The world seems bigger
Than both of us
Yet it seems so small when I begin to cry


It's alright, I'm OK
I think God can explain
I believe I'm the same
I get caried away

It's alright, I'm OK
I think God can explain
I'm relieved
I'm relaxed
I'll get over it yet

I'm so much better than you guessed
I'm so much bigger than you guessed
I'm so much brighter than you guessed

It's alright, I'm OK
I think God can explain
I believe I'm the same
I get caried away

It's alright, I'm OK
I think God can explain
I'm relieved
I'm relaxed
I'll get over it yet

I think God can explain
I think God can explain
I think God can explain

Splendor -I think God can explain

There are alot of stars(even though it is still few) hanging on the skies outside my house tonight.
The night is serene,beautiful and then...sad, yet hope lingers on.
What's your wish upon the stars?

I think I have been repeating that lately there is this unknown gnawing pinch I felt.
Do I not know the reason or I dare not acknowledge?
I refused to answer.

What is it?
What is it?

What do you fear?
An unknown future(or rather a future that you scare to foresee) or a painful past?

Lemme tell you this.
A past no matter how painful,time can lighten the scars(though not erase).
And the only reason that why time cant erased the scar is because we,our hearts refused to let time do so.
We didnt we cant forget when in actual fact we didnt really want to.
If you can forget what you have studied so hard for the exams after exams,why cant you do the same for 'it'?
It is just the matter of what your heart wants inside,I guess.

I may be wrong and this is really ok.
I am just expressing my opinions,not asking for consensus.

A future that is unknown do sets a fear that grips no matter how silly you think it is.
I've tried convincing myself to indulge in the present and I am doing it.
But again where is tomorrow when you havent thought of it today?
Right?

What you feel at this moment may affect what is gonna take place in the future.

It could be a wise move that you are making this moment,but too may be a bad(and really stupid) move you had made yesterday for tomorrow.

So what's up with the yesterday,today and tomorrow ideology?
(When you really cant do anything about it.)

I guess that is me.
This is me.
Jason thinks that I always think too much.
It's not that I like or doing it on purpose.

On some things in life,I doesnt like to think.
I would love to go with the moment too.
I love indulging in the present especially if it's lovely.(Like who doesn't?)

But it is the inner me...That feels and thinks all about the stuff that is deemed unnecessary when you have to be realistic and practical.
Which is true...

What is the point of being Shakespear when you dont live in that kinda world.

I watched "A lot like love" today.
Like Rick would tell Oliver..."This is your life.Time doesn't wait for you to get back on your feet."

It is right.
This is the real life.
We are not living in a tale whereby Snow White woke and hugged the gallant prince who saved her life BUT was a stranger to her eyes.
In reality,if you were Snow White...Would you immediately hugged and married this stranger whom you never met before?(And then really live happily ever after?)

You get what I mean?

If it is the soft and emotion rich who craved for romance always would simply take the fairy tale.
What's true is seldom beauttiful as I was told.
I guess that is what I am afraid to face one day.

To be hurt sucks alot of coz BUT I am more afraid to be the sinner.
This is not nobelity,but selfishness in a way.
Who are you trying to protect?
Not the other party from hurt but really yourself from the guilt.

But...
If every Adam and Eve (I am ruling out the Adam & Adam, and Eve & Eve cases first) are attached by this invisible string,there is no running away from it.
You may have met a few wrong Adam or Eve along the way.
You may have hurt some Adams or Eves intentionally or unintentionally along the way.

Even two wrongs doesnt make one right.
(I dunno why I used this phrase but it just popped to my mind)

But believe me...
Even what is right today may be wrong tomorrow.
At least for today,I did not lied.

I am not hinting anything.
I am just venting my melancholic emotions so I will feel none of this tomorrow.

I quote this from the very first page of a book from Ji Mi.(Which I randomly picked and flipped at Kinokuniya today.)

A direct translation from Chinese.

Because love cannot be clasp.

Thus humans keep creating merchandises that made people to believe in love.

Shunzi's song is playing on my radio now...

"When the moon falls in your eyes,I know the sun has set.
The fire still burns within me since the day we met.
I know my heaven wont be so complete,you can make it real.
I wont let this chance go by,I can see ,I can feel you...
When the moon falls in your eyes,I know the sun has set...
The fire still burns within me..within me.."

(ps:I can sing this song pretty well,I guess.I can sing le.Was from the choir but I dare not sing infront of you(any of you).Hee.)

Lunch in office is horrible.
*Stared sickly at the final portion of tau foo*-_-

Had wanted to lunch outside but the vision of sitting alone made me cringe.
Not in a crowd,not during the usual lunch hour.
It's tough pretending to be cool c8t at all times.

It's tough.
Sourcing for the optimum fit is tough.

While many people are crusading in their casual top and jeans today,I am still in my black pants.=/
The peril of 5.5 work week.
But well this is near town so it's still ok.

Yesterday was good.
I am talking about the time after work.
=)

And LOST was good,if only there's zero commercial breaks and it last more than 45-50 mins.(not even ur full 60 min.)

Although my body is tired but I laid awake till 1 plus.

A lil of this work place?
Next time.
I cant say I like or dislike the people here.
Too early to tell.
Weary*

Sigh...
Somehow...
I thought there is this uncertainty about something (which I dunno) that really gnawed inside.

Back to work.

Later

Bizarre things seldom knock in my way but sometimes it do happen.
Just like my latest 'happening' at Friendster.
I have got new msg so I sheepishly checked it,preparing to ans some insignificant questions like "Can I know you?""Can add me?""Intro"and the "Can we meet?"

If I am mean enough I would just say,

"No,I am not interested to know another-you."
"Just add loh."
"REad my profile will do"
"N-O"

But sometimes I do have very smart people.

Anyway this is the msg of the week!!

Crystal wrote:>
Hi,
Get to browse through Peikang's friends' profile and your hairdo attracts me.... I am always having long hair since last 2 wks when I think I should have a new look... The "professional" heard wrongly. Instead of triming the fringe, he cut my lenght till the photo attached. I have been browsing and searching what can I do to my fringe to make myself look better but seems like on use. Maybe you can give me some advise =)

And this is dear Crystal.





And how she looked with her long hair previously.




I didnt post her pics to mock hor.I AM NOT MEAN!!
But honestly I thought that dolly cut is no longer in fashion.
And I wondered why it was in fashion in the first place.I quit that doll hair since I was in like..primary 5?(and I wore the worst hair for the longest period of time.)

But I thought she looked ok with her new hair ma.
She has got very soft and silky hair huh?
Mine is dry h-a-y.

Honestly I have no idea how to reply her.
How to tell her that my hair style is progressive one.I went from long to medium to short and shorter and shorter?
Oh she is just asking for fringe?
I used to DIY my fringe but now I leave it the one cropping my hair.
I just leave it like that lo.
Does my fringe looks special?
No,right?
If I have to give a name for that style,it is just layered fringe or doubled layered fringe.

And I dun have a personal stylist.
I dont even go to those salons to cut.={
Mine is neighbourhood ones.Enuff said!So what I cant afford $30 and above a cut.

And when I styled my hair every morning,I just used some soft wax and do it according to my parting.
How to advise her?

Now that the excitement had toned down,I felt ..um..shy about it?

Ok my reply to her goes:

Dear Crystal,

It is REALLY flattering and an honour for you to leave such comments on my hairstyle.You left me speechless.ha.
To be honest,I never really go to those pro salons for my cut.
I get mine done at those neighbourhood ones.

I think you look nice with ur current hair though
.Your hair seems all soft and silky,unlike mine.So nice..

If you like fringes,you can perhaps ask for double layered one and styled according to ur parting.I would prefer a lil to ur right side parting coz center parting is a lil hard to style and passe,if I might add.

Fringes grow fast so dun worry.
Anyway you look good on ur own.Honest.
Fashion comes and goes so dun follow blindly.
What's on tv may not suits you and vice versa.
Find a style that makes you shine.


I guess I really have no real advise for u coz I am not an image consultant,and Really I dont think mine is as good as u sounds.
Ha.you make me so paiseh sia.

Keep in touch.=)

Mich

Is that good?Does it sounds snobbish?Too late,I replied already.


Ok...ok...

Work was busy today.
I had so many things to look out for and the others just keep pouring me with tasks to find candidates.(which is so hard!)
I wondered can I get part the commision for sourcing the candidates.
It's not that I mind but I only got 2 hands,one mouth,2 ears and 1 brain.
I have got my own cilents to look out for too.
And then I must learn how to do the pay.
Isnt it too fast for day 3?
And the calls!It's never ending.I can hardly finish typing a mail.

BUT!
It sure beats having nothing to do.
Though I still think I need a masseur at the end of the day.

The interview today was so boring.
That gal is practically a...How should I put it in a nicer manner?
Anyway she made me so tired that I can hardly sit up straight!

Day 4?
Bring it on.
But can I have a full lunch hour break?
It is really very ...boring to dine in and it sure means that you will have only 30 mins.(and the time seems very slow)

My brain slipped to a standby mode after K.O.
I wanted to do my usual observe the crowd and think of something but all that came to my mind were random songs.
And so I strolled amg the crowd.
They always seem to be rushing somewhere.Either to home or to work.
How...un-interesting.
What's the rush?

Wont you just slow down a step or two to look at the skies?
Hmm...Typical working singaporean crowd.

I guess that I was hungry by the time I reached home.
The smell of prata woke me up.Or so I thought...It could be hallucinations.It only lasted for 3 seconds so it must be hallucinations.
Oh prata...you sinful piece of dough!
I like it with sugar and hot!!Hee!
I remembered having it for breakfast once every Sunday when I was very much younger.
All I wake up for is for breakfast and cartoons.
Those were the Sundays.
No longer there.
Sometimes you can only think back and smile.As if they are still there.And when you come back to reality,your heart felt the pinch.

We all have memories and some hurt.
To think we pitied the amnesia ones.
But perhaps those who lost their memories would feel twice the pain.
Imagine you couldnt remembered anything and is always searching but you just cant find.
Isn't that sad?
It's the same for everyone and most things,if not everything.
Oh..no more melancholic stuff.

And when I was about to reach home,I saw this couple.(I know the gal.)
His guy was cycling with her sitting on the back.
She was definitely twice his size but hack,does it matter?
(and that didnt occured to me first)
The first scene that sprang to mind was the Leon Lai and MAggie Cheung show..um..'Tian Mi Mi,I think.(with that Theresa Teng(Tang?um..)'s song)
I swallowed a giggle but it was sweet.
Come to think of it,I never had that treatment.
Izzit nice?
Will I be too heavy to be cycled along?

I am now listening to those tapes that I used to record.(yea..those days..I just pressed 'record' whenever a good song came on air.)

This jap one..I know it's from a jap drama.
This jap star singing in english.
Saying it's from a jap gal,of coz it wasnt quite audible to me.


you pass me by and ur heart as cold as ice
did you see me cry.(can u ask urself).can you see me cry
can you hear me cry
will we ever grow apart?

you...

I gave up!It's very hard to decipher!

Nvm!

I dont think it's gonna rain tonight so it's safe!

Next week would be more tiring for me coz I still have business after work some days.
May be tiring but sometimes it is necessary.

Alright.
Till the next post.

I like this.

"Heaven has no rage like love to hatred turned, Nor hell a fury like a woman scorned."
-William Congreve, "The Mourning Bride"

We all woke up to yet another rainy morning.
Dont you just hate getting up of bed during such weather?But we all have to.

I especially dislike walking in the rain,esp when I have to cover such distance on heels.
It took me a good 15 mins walk to the MRT,another 10 odd to reach Paradiz centre from P.S.
And for 2 days I still didnt get out from the right exit of the station.
You know how 'big' Dhoby Gaut MRT station is.
There are so many exits that I couldnt get to the one that I can walk the least distance to work.

Those who know me,know me for my directionLESS.
Thus partly a reason that I labelled myself as the blindc8t.
(read blog's url.)

BUT I think I figured out where to exit liao.
Hehz*
*Beams*

Work was long today becoz I only had 30 mins lunch.
No kidding,it is really but an coincidence.
Sigh and what upsets my stomach(or so I thought) is that I ordered the fatty pork.(u'noe that 3 layers pork?san cheng rou?)
I didnt know it is that coz it is liked fried with orange coating so I thought it is just normal meat.
Till I am left with 3 pieces or so then I realised what I am eating.
And I didnt cont'd eating.

I am not a strict eater nor a fussy one.
But there are just somethings that I wouldnt cross,say soft drinks.

So much for daily rants.
I thought it is about time that I should ring a topic to blah on.

Oh did I mentioned about that another-Jason who dropped me a msg on Friendster?
He dropped me one asking when can we meet and I ignored it till he asked again.
So I plainly said,
"I never say that we would be meeting."

That was mean but I thought that shut him off.

Do you have the courage or thought to meet someone you dont even know?
I dont understand such group of people.

How can you fall in love(if that is his definition of love) and would wanna meet someone that you dont even know?

Dont say you love me,you really dun have a clue who you think you are loving.Duh!

I am not ruling out the many wonderful possibilities of love but I dont think such people know a thing.
It's not that I know alot and sometimes I prefer not to.
I dont wanna pay the price for knowing too much.

I am looking forward to when I am more settle down with this place.
I wanna kick my plans high!
Gym?French?

I want my days to be detailed with things.
Not neccesarily every hour,every min.
I need some days to be lazy as well.

But doesnt it feel good that you are well spending your life,even if you are working?
It really feels horrible when you just sit down and watch the days go by.

Maybe @ certain points of your life,you do enjoy the tranquility and love life to be serene and kind.

Hmm...I love that too.

But like I said without some pushing and rushing,you wouldnt appreciate either.

It's all about the balance.=)

Hey I really like this!
I know I am copying but ... "You didnt see anything"(Madagascar's style)

Some days are dry
Some days are leaky
Some days come clean
Other days are sneaky
Some days take less but most days take more
Some slip through your fingers and onto the floor

Some days your quick but most days you're speedy
Some days you use more force than is necessary
Some days just drop in on us
Some days are better than others

Some days are honest
Some days are not
Some days you're thankful for what you've got
Some days you wake up in the army
And some days it's the enemy

Some days you feel ahead
You're making sense of what she said
Some days are better than others
Some days you hear a voice taking you to another place
Some days are better than others

lyrics - Bono

(I think I left up one portion.But..well..that's the price of reading pirated one.Hehz*)

It's warm isn't it?
Before it rained early this morning,it was so warm that I can hardly sleep.

Work was ok,I guess.
On my way to work,I felt sick though.
It been 2 weeks since I last wore formal clothing and heels.
I thought my legs are gonna give way anytime.
I felt kinda nauseous on the way.
Though I walked the same path to take train but the journey just seem so long.
A whole 15 mins walk.(well..it's about the same time)
I kept reminding myself that I am to alight at Dhoby Gaut,not Harbour Front.
And I truely dont feel good seeing the working crowd again.Esp at Dhoby Gaut.
I could felt the blood draining off my cheeks.
I really dont feel good.=(

I wish I can walk back to Seraya though.
I miss everything there.
Erm..The Cheers?Towkay Toast?Seah Im?Food court?Spizza?(My honour of having there only once.)Coffee Club(same thing.)Pasta Mania?
I miss the pantry!
I miss the people there.
I miss seeing Johnny,(we know that I meant the 'Xiao John'.Hehe.)Serene,Jen,Joanne,Moo2,Marc,An pan,Mingli,Jamie,Huaylee and I know the list goes on.
(Ps:I dont miss seeing Bert though.Bert = Eddie. shh..)


I had the slowest moving pc.
My chair felt uncomfy and god,I felt so dehydrated!
(And they(the seraya pple) used to laugh at my 2 litres bottle!Hmph!)

I dunno what I have to do but I already start calling.=/
So nice huh?

I guess the best thing that happened today is I hitched a ride back home from my bosses.(They lived nearby.)
Though I reached home about the same time that I should but I shouldnt complain.
I guess that's special treatment for day one only la.

Hmm...I guess I'm a lil "home sick".I miss working at Seraya.
Sob..But more imptly I miss the pple there.
(I dun have to repeat the names)

Again I was being commented about my height.
Sigh.(And I'm pretty sure that there is more to come)

It's not my fault for being tall!
I know most guys would prefer gals being on the smaller side.
But hey,I cant alter my genes so shut up!

Lately I just replied to those that I am never short.
Since young till now.
It doesnt matter to me how much a sore thumb I can be.
I dun mind being tall as long as you wont mind me.(even if you mind,I wont do anything about it.)
Being taller doesnt mean I am ugly!
(I am not,I am not,I am not hor!)
Being taller doesnt mean that I am tough.(But I can fight you.I always try my best.Haha!)
Being taller doesnt mean that ....I mind you being shorter.*giggles



And lastly,"I am not THAT TALL,ok!"

If you cant grow tall,wear heels.
U know how much I hate heels!
I wish I am ban from wearing heels!

But the idea is love ya body.
Go find one of the my previous entry about this.
I dislike repeating under such warm weather.

Keep urself hydrated,yea?
Keep a cup of H2o by ur bedside so you dun have to walk to the kitchen for water in the middle of the night.
Kick off ur blankets if u feel warm.

Something...is missing.
I dunno what.
But I just thought something is missing.

I dunno if it's realisable and I doubt it will though.
I really wish to fly about soon.

I know I always talk about this.
Lots of people always think that I should be with SIA.(well...-_-?)
Infact my new boss brought it up to me today.

I need a partner.
Who would join me?

But again how would I fancy the unstability of life?

I like the Gorillaz's new song.I dunno if it's a new song but it's on air now.

I want my Sunday to come so I can be lazy again.
(not really but...It's lazier than most days)

It's just Moooonnnday.

Oh...I miss you,you,you,you,you,you and you.
Everyone!(except some.)

You say you wander your own land

Bu when I think about it I don't see how you can

You're aching,you're breakign

And I can see the pain in your eyes

Says everybody's changing

And I dont know why

So little time

Try to understand thatI'm

Trying to make a move just to stay in the game

Trying to stay awake and remember my name

Because everybody's changing

And I dont feel the same

You're gone from here

Soon you will disappear

Fadng into beautiful light

BEcause everybody's changing

And I don't feel right

I think this is the very first son that Keane caught me with.
I dont think there would be anyone who cant identify with the feeling of this song.

Back from my Not Your Usual Commodities trip.(hee)
It was good but I thought I need a helper.
My fingers turned purpurish by the time I reached home.I think it might just came off if I stayed any longer.

I bought breakfast that should last me for a week and a bottle of Chinese rice wine to toast my dad.
(I dont drink la.It's daddies' day today.I cant think of anything else.)

On my way,I heard this guy who is cracking outta tune at the KTV.It's loud enough for those around the vinicity.It's so funny.
On my way to NTUC,he's singing More Than Words.
On my way back,I dunno what's he's singing.Izzit U2?
Wild guess.
It cracked me as well.

Hot sun.
Sigh...

If only days like this never end.

But again we wouldnt appreciate the tranquillity of life if we weren't thrown to the hectic an mundane society.

Hmm..*dreams off*

After some working out(of house chores),my body is picking up.
No more tired M[ch.

Work tml.
Trying very hard to beam up!

I quote this,
"Before we can achieve the kind of life we want,we must think,act,walk,talk and conduct ourselves in ways of characteristics of who we ultimately wish to become."

This may or maynot set in conflict with some other train of thoughts but I thought why not?

Who I wanna become does not eventually change who I am.

We cant shed our skins and change our colours eventually.
But we sure can do for the better.

Hey..now I have this silly M'ysian(I dun mean all Malaysians are silly.I didnt say stupid at least.) who just know me at Friendster is chatting to me at MSN now.

I wanted to sign out as usual but I was busy smsing and forgot to log out before he already come knocking on my door.

He is now telling me (after looking at my Frenster profile again) tha he loved me.
-___-

Look at this conversation b/w that ..half..Am I rude to call him a half wit?I think I better take that back.It's rude.


waiting some one i love ? says:
hehe ,wrong wirting .. i wan ur freindster acc

Solitaire C8tIn Pain says:
u dun have meh?u have ma

Solitaire C8tIn Pain says:
i think im already inside.im BeM[ch

waiting some one i love ? says:
i canno find u

waiting some one i love ? says:
so i think use ur email can find fast

Solitaire C8tIn Pain says:
malevolence_angel@yahoo.com

waiting some one i love ? says:
o ... is u .. my love one girls

Solitaire C8tIn Pain says:
huh?

waiting some one i love ? says:
nothing

Solitaire C8tIn Pain says:
what my love..one girls?

waiting some one i love ? says:
i say , is u ....my an lian one lo

Solitaire C8tIn Pain says:
yea right!

Solitaire C8tIn Pain says:
since when u an lian me

Solitaire C8tIn Pain says:
want to lie also must find a better lie ma

waiting some one i love ? says:
is ur frst time chat . i m love u

waiting some one i love ? says:
beroz u say u got bf .. so . i not say anything lo

Solitaire C8tIn Pain says:
but we didnt chat much..

waiting some one i love ? says:
..............
waiting some one i love ? says:
is ur forgot le

Solitaire C8tIn Pain says:
we really nv chat much cos i seldom log in here

waiting some one i love ? says:
.............

waiting some one i love ? says:
i know have 1 year 6 moth yehj

Solitaire C8tIn Pain says:
u r sure..u didnt get the wrong gal?

waiting some one i love ? says:
no la
=======================================

What is that guy all about?

In my native tongue,"Siao ah?"

-_-

It's such a brillant Sunday looking all sunshine!

I wanna do some grocery shopping too.(having inspired.^^)

No nice shopping malls.
only a Giant and a new NTUC at Central.

Maybe,baby.

It feels a lil' tired for a Sunday.
Tomorrow is a brand new day for work.
I told you that they shouldn't have dragged.
My engines already sizzled down.
-_-

Went to Eve's bday party yesterday.
She looked like a princess.=)

Met some of my primary classmates.
Shan's first comment upon meeting me was that I looked elegant?
E-L-E-G-A-N-T?

This is the very first time I've been associated with such adjective.
When I think of elegant,the first fairytale princess that popped to mind was Aurora.(that thousand year old lady)

I find myself nothing to be associated near her.

Xiuquan(who grew so handsome) couldn't recognized me.So did I?

As a matter of fact,most people from my primary school and secondary and maybe even poly may have thought I ''changed".
I am not sure how.I know they meant the physique.
It goes on further explaining that I really aint very appealing to the eyes in the past.
(Not that I think I am now,serious~)
Haha.
Those were behind the screens comments.

Yawns.
My eyes are still closing up.

OOH yea,the highlight!

Jason's primary school pal who happened to be Eve's ex colleague was there too.
(Think Friendster.Link,link,link,link.)
So that cute Tony told me that I really looked like his friend-Mun.
I went to the network and check.

See the pics below.



Hack,that is me la.

This is her.



And me again.




No la,that is her too.
Only the first pic is me.

Scary!
I am just the without tan lines and taller(much taller,I assume) her.

Who the *beep* cloned me!

I may have believed that outta dunno whats the statistis,a few people may have bore slight physique resemblances.
But that is too much.

I,for one,doesnt really fancy pirvacy.
(I am not saying she is pirated!)

Remember there is this green big bag that I often carried to work?
I swore that when I first used it,NOONE else that I saw on the streets is using it.
Recently there are alot!
White and black colours mainly.

This is ...not very nice!


I would have been seem as the crowd!
Just a part of it.
Style-less.

And now there is actually someone in Singapore that is a replica.

No..Noone would have know whose is the replica.

That's the pt right?
Noone knows who started it first.


Sigh..
I am damn sleepy.

Work tml?

I just dun like the first week.

Realised that my bday falls on a very not too nice day.
Weekday.
And I am still in my first month of work then.
Will taking leave seems rude?
But again..It is a weekday.
Noone will be free to accompany me even if I take leave.

No bday parties.

No.

Not for me.

It's too late anyway.

21?

Not a big deal.

Bday comes every year.

21 is just a figure.

Inside me?Is ageless.

Yawns.

I need a masseur!

I walked acorss an empty land
I knew the pathway like the back of my hand
I felt the earth beneath my feet
Sat by the river and it made me complete

Oh simple thing where have you gone
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on
So tell when you're gonna let me in
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin

I came across a fallen tree
I felt the branches of it looking at me
I s this the place we used to love
Is this the place that I've dreaming of

Oh simple thing where have you gone
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on
So tell when you're gonna let me in
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin
And if you have a minute why don't we go
Talk about it somewhere only we know
This could be the end of everything
So why dont we go somewhere only we know

Somewhere only we know

Oh simple thing where have you gone
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on
So tell when you're gonna let me in
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin

And if you have a minute why don't we go
Talk about it somewhere only we know
This could be the end of everything
So why dont we go so why dont we go

This could be the end of everything
So why don't we go somewhere only we know
Somewhere only we know

Somewhere only we know


This song is of coz my fav of Keane.

Somewhere only we know?
Can we go?
Throw away everything.
We shall go.

Somewhere only we know.
If I extend my hand,would you take mine?
Lead me to that place.

One of my fav songs fro Keane is 'Bedshaped'.
It is just those kinda that is so lazy,a lil' melancholic and yet so...smoothe.

Here.
The lyrics.
Hand type.(not copied n paste this time.)

Many's the time I ran with you down

The rainy roads of our old town

Many the lives we lived in each day

And buried together

Don't laugh at me

Don't look away

You'll follow me back

With the sun in your eyes

And on your own

Bedshaped and legs of stone

You'll knock on my door and up we'll go

In white light

I don't think so

But what do I know?

I know you think I'm holding you down

And I've fallen by the wayside now

And I don't understand the same things as you

But I do

Don't laugh at me

Don't look away

You'll follow me back

With the sun in your eyes

And on your own

Bedshaped and legs of stone

You'll knock on my door and up we'll go

In white light

I don't think so

But what do I know

What do I know

I know

Batman begins got my first tears (in movies) when his parents were killed.
I already know how sad Batman was,as a child.
I knew his parents were murdered.
(I do my D.C homework.Yes,I dont have a lil' brother for nothing!)
*Smirks*

But surprisingly when his parents were killed,I cried.
Perhaps I was so sad for lil' Bruce.
His sad past turned him to such a cynic person.

But this movie made me realised that Bruce aint as cynic as I thought.
He is just sad.
Not to mentioned the lovely butler-Alfred.
He is like Samwise Gamgee to Frodo.

It's a good movie nonetheless.

But dont expect a neighbourhood hero like our dear Spidey here.
( I still adore Parker nonetheless.)

One thing about Batman(though he is just a comical hero) that earns my respect is that he never was blessed with any super powers.(just the enormous wealth)

He is just a human that will die if he lose his footings.

And I wondered how can Batman flys?
(I thought that was his superpower.)
Well..Now I know.

Haha.

The movie is not lack of its funny witty comebacks lines.

It is really good.

And I really cant help but wonder how it is like to kiss Christian Bale behind that mask.
Coz he got a pair of really...I dun call it sexy but intriguing lips.
Like..ducky.
Not to mention that kinda body he must trained in order to convince the crowd that he is Batman.
(U know how big and mascular Batman is.)


I am so glad that I caught Batman instead of the stupid Mr n Mrs Smith.
I mean I know that movie is funny.
But it is that pure predictable Hollywood's craps.

Brad Pitt?
Not a chance!
Your days are long over.

I was stand corrected.
I am only baffled by my own insecurities as always.

Why didnt you leave me?

You...just won me over and over.

Thank you.

Did I mentioned that CD?
Thank you for Keane.
That is a quick surprise and yes,you did it =)

I woke up to an unknown slight nudging pain somewhere.
Not my physical pain.It would be much easier if it is.

The weather aint good.Not good enough.
But I still have to scramble down town to return the books before I may have no time to do so.
And yes,alone.Friday.I couldnt find a reason to smile to the crowds.
But well alone I shall be.
It doesnt daunt me like lizards can do.

This house is all quiet again.
Only me,98.7fm and the kids shouting below.(& Stinky & Stinko!The 2 tortises that I have to clean their poo!)
They are playing.
Only to the kids,the tomorrows ahead are endless.

My bro decided to leave the house for another 3 days of partying at M'sia.
My parents have to work,which I hate them to be.
They shouldnt be much longer.I should be able to make them stop working.
Gimme some time.I will fully take the load over.
I will,right?
It is already written in the stars.
=)


I hope it stop raining.
I really dun fancy rain until I sleep.
But that would mean I would wake up to the wet floors and fields to work.

When will my cough stop?
It is not cough.Just a few sudden urge to cough out to catch my breathe.
Blah.
I felt like an old and abandoned cat suddenly.
Blinking my lashes(C8ts have lashes,right?) to fight the blurred vision.
I dont fluttered my lash,so I only blink.


I slept very late these nights.
I couldnt fall myself to Lalala Land.
My body was tired but not my mind.

I couldnt woke early.
My mind is somewhat awake at its usual timing but my body is screaming for more rest.

I am not much of a pemmist these days.
I will never declined to be one.
Never.
My will is as strong as...granite.-_-

But there is this...unexplained 'thing' that gnaws.
(Or I refused to explain for it and pretend I didnt know better)


And now I am afraid of night falls.

It seems all my life I am always afaird of something or somethings.
But I never want to tell,never show.

What good would it do me to tell the world how vulnerable I am.
I,myself would have blah it off.
I wouldnt accept this.

If my lord is to go the war and meant to leave me alone.
What good would it be if I were to be alone.
I would join.

But...I am always waiting..waiting for someone to protect me,who can and who will always protect me.
We will never fall behind times,will never fall apart.

Who am I lying?

I dun live there.

This age no longer deals with the 'till death do us part'.
That is nothing but absolute craps...now.

All the songs you hear are just beautifying one's loss,one's regret.
There are not real.
Life doesnt stop there.
You wont sit there feeling sorry forever.

"You will always be the one that I love?"
They should just sing "There will always be another one that I love"

What?This is true.

Keane's song just calm in time to calm me down.

That's it.If I have the money,I would buy his album.
Maybe.

I am tired.
Not physically.
I slept more than enough.

Today I met up with a good friend of mine in Poly.
I know very well what are her intentions of meeting me but I go ahead.For the old times.She is a good friend.
She's doing MLM(Multi Level Marketing)
I have no offense for that.It is a good line to earn(even for good cause sometiems) if u know ur network.
And there you should know her purpose of meeting me.

I let her talk.I listened.But I got slightly irritated when at whatever topics that I am talking about,be it personal or not,she can and will link to her MLM company and stress on how good her company is.
It is so...ARGH!

Do you think I would dare to meet her for the third time?
Sigh...
It just spoils...'appetite'.

I am not very happy.
About this life.
I mean,I am happy.I shouldnt contradict myself.

But we always live to contradict ourselves with the philosophies.

We think too much that wears us out.

Things...are just not as simple as it were.

The school is a safe guard house for all of us who were young.Maybe who ARE young.

This world.
I havent seen enough.
But I am sick of seeing this place.

Fustrations buried within.

I am a gem?
No I am not.
You couldnt be more mistaken.

I am unpolished.
And just a granite.

I dun feel worthless.
But I am just sure i am not a gem.

I am not...to you...And you know it.

I cant describe enough how much I love blogging.
It is not just an avenue of venting my emotions,but too an avenue for escapism.

Through the words that I am typing(which is much faster and nicer than me writing down) I am releasing what I thought but wouldnt say,recording what I've seen but wouldnt say.

But would that too means that i just have no life?
Me?No life?
I do not expect myself to dial for my friends' aid all the time.Sometimes I would rather be alone.Lost in the crowd of unknown faces.
I then can paint pictures about life.
Lost but beautiful.

Or perhaps everyone over 18 should be entitle to a super hero hotline.
Say when you are feeling sad,lonely or simply want someone else by ur side,you just dial or sms and he/she can appear.

My fav hotline would be Spidey's.(not really due to that 'Parker' I know originally.)
Cos behind Spidey's mask is a very sweet and normal Peter.
I think we had Tobey Maguire to thank coz he made Peter Parker alive.
I wouldnt be half as convinced if Peter Parker had been Leonardo Dicaprio.

I dont want a Clark Kent(Is Kent the sur?) aka Superman to come.Although the guy in Smallville is absolutely a cutie.
I dun want a cynic Bruce Waynes for sure.He will make you depressed with his sad past and I bet you for 50 bucks that the conversation b/w u n Batty wont last more than 5 sentences.

I would love to hang out with Wolverine if that is Hugh Jackman!Isnt he so...yummy?
Wolverine is not but Hugh is.
So talk to me again when Van Helsing makes it to the comics hero.

No other mutants from X men.They will make me sad coz I have no extra power like them.
(I wouldnt fancy being Cyclops though.)

It just took me a while to find up whose Marvel and whose DC.
But it doesnt matter,not to me.
To me it is the same b/w Adidas and Nike.

I remembered this question asking who would I be if I can be a superhero before I was called Rouge.(um..I dunno if I would like to be Rouge if that means I can never kiss another boy or touch them.Hehz*)
Izzit Rouge or Rogue?

Can I be Catty?As in Catwoman?
She is not exactly a hero material but at least she can scratches very well.
I wouldnt fancy her suit coz I dont have Halle Berry's hot bod.

Ok no.
I wont be catty.Meow..

Why cant I be my own hero?
Meet M{ch,the new and really new(and sure there will be alot of bumps later) super hero.
She can ....
dream.
Very well.

All heros need a costume huh?
Jeans and a casual top would be mine.
To make it easier for me to run or do my spins,I shall wear my one n only Puma sneakers.
I would wax my hair to put them on hold.
I would wear my contact lens so I wouldnt have to keep adjusting my spects.
But sometimes I would wear them.They are an accessory.
It makes me look geeky or attitude-y.

Of coz I would put on my concealor.( a hero mustnt look tired),used a lil mascara(which doesnt help things),a lil blusher(which will fades overtime) and never forget my lip gloss.
Sometimes I would use my black eyeliner so maybe I will look a lil dangerous,if needed.

If my identity needs to be conceal,as stated in the law of superheros,I would have a custom made mask that only covers my eyes area.
(You know those kinda masquerading parties?)

And yes,my diamond ring!
My diamond stubs from Sookee,Goldheart or whatever.I dunno.

Who would I save?
I would be a competitor of Spidey but I adore him.So maybe I will be his disciple.He will teach me the ways of Spider.But most importantly I will be good friends with Parker,who is not a hero but a sweetie.

We would sing till dawn breaks.
We would save the kitty down the tree.Now he will,I would just claim the credit by snatching the kitty off his hands and return to the granny.
Hehz*

He would kick me down the drain and I shall throw him to the seas.
He would confide to me all about Mary Jane and I wish I wouldnt hear abit.

Yes,I am secretly adoring Spidey and Parker but we are nothing and will never come close to anything near romance.

One day when I am powerful enough to be my own hero,I would leave for New York.Wait..isnt that where we all began?
Ok I would leave for Singapore.(Blah!)
Ok it is SantaMonica that I am leaving for.

And Spidey would miss me.
He would realise how empty Parker is without me.
But then it doesnt matter anymore coz he has got M.J.

Ah..Happy ending!
He will always be M.J's SpiderMan.
But he will always be my Parker.My good old friend-Peter Parker.

----------Draws Curtains------------------

Man!!I am Good!Good!Good!

I am typing without thinking and created just another predictable same old passe story.
But we all love predictability in romance huh?

This entry is worth reading over and over again.And I am gg to do it.

Disclaimer*I am just spinning a tale with noone I know related in mind.Only Tobey Maguire if necessary.Crossed my fingers.